They pee on their scrubs...who knew?

(originally posted 11/4/2005)
I was folding laundry last week when I noticed a bleached area on DH's new scrubs. Digging into my imagination where I see him in class mixing dangerous, toxic chemicals together while working on complex mathematical equations on the board and cutting out the cadaver's heart with pristine precision all at the same time, I conclude that he probably dribbled a little toxic chemical on his pants. The image of DH in the gross lab learning to save the world concludes as he takes a shower in the hallway - the shower reserved for people who get chemicals on their skin or in their eyes. Everyone crowds around the shower and chants cheers of heroic valor because his chemical spill somehow led to the cure for cancer.

Fade to black.
Cut to reality.

When I ask DH what happened to his scrubs...he immediately diverts his gaze elsewhere as he proceeds to shuffle in the place where he stands. After a few moments of this, he gets the courage…and in a higher octave pitch that is typically reserved for embarrassment and reluctant apologies… he explains that he washed his new scrubs with bleach so that his scrubs didn’t look so new and people would think he’s a more advanced medical student…maybe third or fourth year…rather than a first year.

This confession, of course, makes me laugh hysterically. Knowing how silly it sounds, he joins me in a good hearty chuckle.

My imagery of his gross lab victory fades a bit as I giggle.

Then the mood gets serious as he confesses that he has trouble using the restroom when dressed out in scrubs. He explains that no matter what kind of techniques he uses when finishing his chore, there always seems to be a little bit that seeps though the fabric of the scrubs.

Now my image of him saving the world in the gross lab fades almost completely.

This is something I have never thought might be a problem for those donning scrubs, but after researching “peeing in scrubs” on Google, I find he is nowhere near alone in this problem. I start to read a thread that I think might answer his problem on studentdoctor.net called “how to avoid peeing on your scrubs (for guys).”

Studentdoctor.net is full of bulletin boards that students post messages on in order to connect to other student doctors around the globe. When I begin to read through the peeing on scrubs link, I start to question the types of people we will be entrusting our health and lives with in the future of medicine. What I read reminds me the types of banter that was exchanged in fifth, maybe as late as seventh grade.

Here are some of my favorite answers to the peeing on scrubs dilemma found on studentdoctor.net:

1) “Get pee-colored scrubs so that any pee on it will just blend in”
(I really enjoy the pee-colored scrubs option…let’s together imagine what these might look like in the halls of medical school. I know, very disturbing)

2) “How about just giving a little shake... if you do it more than once your playing with it.”
(classic)

3) “Shake it like a polaroid picture”
(even doctors can enjoy entering a well-known Outkast lyric in their posts…nice)

4) “I'm on board with the three-shakes rule. Also, if you hustle to the sink afterward, you can make sure to carelessly splash some water drops on the front of your clothes. ;)”
(this, my DH confesses, is something he’s tried)

5) “Isn't this why they invented the long white coats... so only the med students look like they have pissed themselves.”
(student doctors are forced to wear short white coats rather than the more prestigious white coats we see on our doctors)

6) Finally, my absolute favorite from Doc2b (who I will warmly refer to as THE TODD like on the show, “Scrubs”):
“I just tuck mine in my sock, that's the only place that I get wet. What are you guys talking about getting it on your scrubs.”

I am not sure DH has ever figured out the right formula for leaving the restroom embarrassment-free or if bleaching his scrubs has created the desired effect. One thing, however, is clear. While he is working daily toward helping advance the future of medicine, he and his cohorts are really no different than you or me. They still experience insecurity, self-doubt, humiliation…and occasionally dish out a bad humored joke.

With this knowledge, my hero imagery of him has changed a bit. In my mind he still does tough equations on the board while operating on his cadaver and mixing toxic chemicals. Once he accidentally splashes himself with dangerous chemicals, he runs to the shower in the hallway in his bleached-out, pee colored scrubs while the other students follow him singing lines from Outkast’s “Hey Ya!” reminding him to “shake it like a polaroid picture”…then congratulate him for finding a cure for cancer….

P.S. My friend Shannon was poking fun at my other posts saying that I should have the “Doogie Houser” theme playing in the background because my writing reminded her of the young doctor’s diary entries at the end of each show. Thanks for the idea, Shannon!